Hi all... long time no writing.. hiihihi.. salah satunya malas dan laptop yg nga mau nyala dan bgg nulisnya. hahaha. *gue selalu kasi alesan demi alesan hahaha*
biasa nulis itu emang sarana paling bagus buat pelampiasaaan... hahaha. yaah intinya tempat sampah gue lah... many things happen for last 7month. yaah.. salah satunya keluarga gue retak, mgkn bukan cuman retak tapi lmyn hancur. my brother and his wife, choose to out of house (dgn menyisakan relasi yg tidak baik). yah intinya nyokap gue dan aso gue ibarat musuh, nyokap gue dan koko gue "musuh" tp masi bisa bicara, gue dan koko gue byk diem2an, gue dan aso gue yah sama aja, kaga pernah komunikasi, gue dan nyokap gue yg mungkin paling akur.
it hurts me, thinking about my shattered family. and i can't take any action. yaaah gue coba ngobrol sama beberapa temen yg bisa bantu, and gue berasa di push utk take action memperbaiki nya. yaah.. some people do in a good way, by counceling me about what I feel, kalo tnyt gue nya sdr remuk, gmn gue bisa memperbaiki kondisi?
and i don't know, I can't express my feeling, yg ada cmn bengong atau nangis, and feel tired. mungkin gue lagi defense.... i don't have solution, cmn bisa meratapi, can't ran either.
the good thing is : my fiancee stay with me.. cieee... cieee.. fianceee.. hahaha.. iyoo kami tunangan 31 mei kemareeen (2bulan laluh)
hahaha.
he's comforting and support me.. He is so kind, giving his energy to my family. He cares about my mom, my brother, my sister in law, and me.
i knew deep inside his heart, he doesn't wish or even imagine, having a broken big family.
He had a dream about our future, and if this happen, so what about our plan? how about his own family?
we struggling a lot. about parents, house, wedding stuff, and MONEY. hahaha.. yess need capslock for that live&evil thing. God re-directing our path into somewhere we can't imagine.
anyway let's talking about my fiancee.. :)
I'm happy seeing him smiling, his smile is everything. kalo pagi hari ketemu dia tp kaga senyum pikiran gue pasti kemana-mana (ini lagi bete, lagi nga mood, atau biasa aja, atau apa?) pagi2 koq manyun, kadang2 sempet mikir koq bisa yah ketemu sama pacar tp nga ada senyumnya. ini masih cinta nga seh? hahaha.
yah gue bgg seh udah ampir 2thn pacaran dan gue masih aja semangat cinta dia. bosen ketemu? enga tuh, malah pengen makin lengket.. hihihi. bener2 yg bikin amaze sejak hari pertama pacaran sampe skrg : gue pacaran sama yungsen.
He is a great listener.
we face problem together, we teamwork. he always give a good encouragement. he is strong even though his heart is fragile.
He has a big heart, not only for me, but for my mom, my brother, my sister in law, my niece, my uncle, my whole big family.
He's care about me.
He is the best in my life. he is my precious.
He is God's loving for me. God really loves me.
oh iyah kita masih hands-off looh. hahaha.. *boong deh* ud jebol bbrp kali. hahaha..
sometimes kalo lg duduk disofa/ dimobil, suka nyender ke pundak doi, and kalo gue lg stress nangis2 doi menghiburnya belai2 rambut, yah itu yg bbrp kali tp kaga intense, and sometimes we allow those kind of touch, karena we know that don't make us sinfully *padahal mah sama aja*, it comforting in a different way. efeknya cuman bikin ketagihan pengen nyender lama2, pengen di belai lama2. hahaha.. *lama2 ketagihan yg laen2*
oh iyah one best 'jebol' (jebol koq bangga amat yah). he hold my hand. yeaaaah.. no special ocassion, cmn krn gue merengek kaya anak kecil minta gandeng, akhirnya doi gandeng cuman sambil ngg lampu merah tomang yg super lama itu. hahaha.. and do you know how it feels? amaziiiingggg and incredible.
gue nga nyangka looh.. so happy till it pump my heartbeat faster and malah nangis bahagia terharu. doi ampe bgg, koq malah nangis.. hahaha *cengeng*
tadinya gue cmn expecting gandeng biasa, tp ternyata he made me surprise, he do interlock finger, he hold tight and he close his eyes, enjoying each second ( I think he was praying silently). It was a steady, firm, warm, protecting, and loving hand.
dodolnya gue melakukan hal yg tidak perlu, gue komentar : kenceng amat gandengnya. hahaha *stupid me* doi cmn senyum "khan jarang2, ini cmn 1x nanti gandeng lagi pas di pemberkatan." bikin melting sampe selumer-lumernya. hahaha
*ya ampuunn i remember every single detail* and entah knp itu lampu merah kog jadi cepet yaaah.. hahaha. somehow i feel recharge. yah kami menghibur diri after 'jebol' itu bukan melanggar komitment, komitment khan pacaran, skrg khan statusnya tunangan. hahaha. tp tetep seh we keep on track, we have to respecting each other.
4 months to go before wedding, it's a short time, and we aren't pready, we start exhausted, stress and the most problem, we are worry and worry, too much worry.
God please help us. so many question, so many impossible things. please teach us to have faith. please help us. never been an easy way walking with You.
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